Judge’s Decision on Bail Denied

In a twist of courtroom drama that would make even the best legal thrillers blush, former FTX boss Sam Bankman-Fried will remain behind bars until his trial starts on October 3. The ruling comes from District Judge Lewis Kaplan, who decided that Bankman-Fried’s complaints about poor internet access in prison wouldn’t cut it as an excuse for his temporary release.

Trial Prep: The Internet’s Not Enough

Bankman-Fried argued that his trial preparation has been stunted because he can’t quickly access essential materials due to the slow internet connection at the facility. Judge Kaplan, however, was not impressed, emphasizing that the defendant failed to present specific details about what information he lacked and how it would negatively impact his defense. In the wise words of Kaplan, “The defendant had not made any detailed showing as to specific material that he claims he has been unable to access personally.”

Internet Struggles

Cue the sympathetic music: apparently, Bankman-Fried’s lawyers have had to wait a staggering 10 minutes for a website to load. For those of us who’ve experienced the wrath of slow Wi-Fi, it’s a nightmare. But Kaplan reassured them and said, “There has been no suggestion that counsel is incapable of running any searches across the Relativity or AWS databases that defendant may desire and then providing him with the results.” It seems that the court isn’t buying the ‘bad Wi-Fi excuse.’

Opportunities Missed

Interestingly, Bankman-Fried could have asked for the October 3 trial date to be pushed back but instead, opted to press ahead without doing so. Maybe he thought asking for more time was like asking for a second slice of cake at a birthday party—sometimes it’s just not an option. And, just to keep things spicy, he faces 12 criminal charges across not one but two trials, with the second round set for March 11.

Pleading Not Guilty

As of now, Bankman-Fried has pleaded not guilty to all charges. It’s like the courtroom has turned into a theatrical performance where the stakes are high, and the lead actor is not ready to bow out quietly.

A Cautionary Tale

The saga of Sam Bankman-Fried serves as a cautionary tale for those dabbling in the world of cryptocurrency and finance. It raises questions about accountability, the stability of exchanges, and just how important a solid internet connection can be. Who knew that the fate of a former CEO hinged on the whims of bandwidth?