Top Stories of the Week

This week was a rollercoaster in the crypto world, filled with excitement, confusion, and enough quotes to make a philosopher proud. Here’s a rundown of the most significant news.

• SEC Delays Bitcoin ETF Decision
  The U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission has decided to postpone its verdict on Bitcoin ETFs until September 30, leaving investors on edge. Why the wait? They’re feeling thorough, we guess.
• WSJ Uncovers Crypto Price Manipulation
  According to an eye-opening article by the Wall Street Journal, organized ‘trading groups’ have found a way to pump up prices and then make a quick getaway, leaving everyday investors in the dust. Nothing says “trustworthy” like a group chat on Telegram!
• DEA Agent Talks Bitcoin
  In a surprising twist, DEA agent Lilita Infante declared that only 10% of Bitcoin transactions are now tainted with illegitimate activity. So, are we saying the blockchain has become the new shopping mall for honest transactions?
• Starbucks and Bitcoin: Misleading Signage
  Starbucks stirred the pot when it denied reports that they’d accept Bitcoin for lattes, only allowing conversions to fiat. Coffee lovers will have to keep the order online and the crypto offline for now!
• Dimon’s Bitcoin Derision
  JPMorgan’s Jamie Dimon shared his views on Bitcoin, calling it a “scam.” Surprise! He’s as warm to crypto as a polar bear at a beach party. It’s like watching your dad embarrass you at a family reunion—entertaining yet cringeworthy.

Quotable Moments

This week, the crypto stage was set for some memorable lines:

• “Bitcoin is the best house in a tough market” – Tom Lee.
• “Bitcoin is a very early-stage venture” – Dan Morehead.

Legal Troubles and Tax News

In the land of legal dramas, here’s what caught our attention:

• Tezos Creators Face Lawsuit
  Despite claims that Tezos operations were based in Switzerland, a U.S. Judge has moved forward with a lawsuit against them for selling unregistered securities. The courtroom just called in an overtime!
• Crypto Custody from Goldman Sachs?
  You heard it right! Goldman Sachs might offer custody solutions for crypto funds, stirring up more speculation than a reality TV show finale.

Crypto Adoption News

The world seems to be warming up to crypto:

• Australia Goes Blockchain
  The Commonwealth Bank of Australia is launching a bond on a blockchain. Can you smell the innovation?
• Swiss Bank Welcomes Crypto
  Maerki Baumann has jumped on the bandwagon, becoming the second Swiss bank to accept cryptocurrency assets. You might say they don’t want to miss the Bitcoin bus!

Winners, Losers, and FUD

As always, the crypto race has its ups and downs:

• Market Watch
  Bitcoin was hovering around $6,583 while Ethereum was at $324. InflationCoin and Galaxy eSolutions had stellar weeks, but Artex Coin and VeThor Coin made the loser’s list. Ouch!
• Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt
  Don’t forget Jeff deGraaf, who claims Bitcoin is in danger if it breaches its support levels. Meanwhile, suspicious Bitcoin ATM malware is being sold on the dark web. Just when you thought you were safe from ATM fees!